I Have a Really Good Excuse

Over the years, I have been late for work or appointments on occasion but I always have a really good excuse. Take this morning for example, I was late for my manicure appointment and I knew that my reason for being late was perfectly justified and totally unavoidable. I was brushing my teeth and buttoning up my jeans when my electric toothbrush fell out of my hands into the sink. It was running, of course, so it started spraying toothpaste and water everywhere and I was trying to get it and it splashed toothpaste into my eye. Funny, huh? Well, it hurt like the devil. It was burning and I couldn’t see so by the time I got my eye rinsed out and reapplied my eye makeup, I was late.

Of course, Mariella that does my nails understood and was sympathetic about my eye just like she was the time I had the problem with the bird. That time really was understandable. No one could be expected to leave home with an Anhinga sitting on their pool deck with a piece of fishing line wrapped around its beak. The poor thing was dancing all around and looked so pitiful. So, I called Animal Control and then followed their instructions about trying to secure the bird so they would come get it. They suggested that I use a recycling bin to place over the bird. Well, that sounded easy enough. Hah! I emptied the recycling bin in the garage and very quietly went back out onto the patio and eased over to the end of the pool where the bird sat. Just as I went to put the bin over his head, he went ballistic on me and jumped into the pool. At this point, I should have let him drown because I don’t really like Anhingas anyway. They sit on the dock or the boat and poop all over the place while they dry out their wings. But I am an animal lover basically, so I figured I’d get him out of the pool with the pool net. What a sight! He swam to the opposite end of the pool as I ran back and forth chasing him like an idiot. If any of my neighbors across the lake were watching, they must have had a good laugh.

I was really getting tired by now and surely he was, too. Besides, I was late for my manicure appointment. I came inside to call to tell them I was rescuing a bird and would be there as soon as I could. I knew that they would understand. By the time I got back outside, he had made it out of the pool and was over by the pool fence under a chaise lounge. I started over and he immediately started another hissy fit and fell through the fence onto the shrubs below. Now, he was off my patio but he was stuck in the shrubs. I got the pool net again and by this time, I had stopped talking in the soothing tone that I had been using. It was now more of the, “Get out of there, you little son of a bitch. I should have just let you drown” tone. Finally, I managed to get him loose from the shrub but he still had the fishing line wrapped around his beak. I came back inside to call Animal Control back and tell them they needed to come pick up the dead bird because I knew that I was either going to kill him or he would die with the line wrapped like it was. When I came back out, there was another Anhinga sitting a few feet away from the one I’d been rescuing and lo, and behold, the fishing line was off my bird’s beak. I was so relieved and very happy that I had been able to help him. About five minutes later, I looked back out there and guess where he was, yep ....... on the boat pooping. So much for wildlife rescue. It’s one of those times that you recall the saying, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to think that I am usually a tardy person. Some people are just habitually late and it’s usually something very avoidable like they overslept or had a flat tire or some other silly excuse. While I on the other hand try hard to be where I’m supposed to be on time and I usually am except when really important things like this pop up. Then there was another time I had a really good excuse was when there was so many walking catfish on the road that I had to pull over to the side until they got across. My boss at the time understood perfectly. He looked at me a little skeptically but then decided, "Who would make up such a story?"